Failure is a Good Thing

Why do some kids look at their parents after a swing and miss? 

Why do some kids start crying after they walk a batter?

Why does that kid walk 4 more batters after they start crying?

Because they are afraid to fail.

Guess what happens when you are afraid to fail?  You FAIL.  Furthermore, you learn nothing from that failure, all while having zero FUN in the process.  

Now these attributes of kids wanting to please their parents, and not make mistakes will mature into great qualities when they are adults.  But as a child, all we see is tears and self-implosion.

So how do we fix it?  

As Parents and Coaches, we create a culture where failure is EMBRACED as a teaching moment for all the kids.  I tell my players, “If you are paying attention to everything I teach, and you are putting in 100% effort, then I like when you fail, because that’s when we learn the most.”  

Last night at Sandlot, I had a batter repeatedly swinging and missing.  Our rule at Sandlot is we swing until we hit it.  After the 5th swing and miss, this 6 year old was on the verge of tears.  He had listened to everything I had taught, and he was putting in 100% effort.  Yet he was still failing.  I paused the game and declared to the group that THIS is a PERFECT time for a hitting talk.  The hitter was a little late, and swinging under the ball.  I had him choke up to speed up the bat, and gave him two SIMPLE, POSITIVE thoughts.  1) Swing forward.  2) To the top of the ball.  (I try to teach the DO’S, instead of the DON’TS.  I learned that from my mentors.)  Then I let him know that mistakes are good, and you just made EVERYONE a better hitter by your last 5 swings and misses.  I returned to the mound and before making the next pitch, I re-emphasized a point that holds so many athletes back. 

“It’s OK if you fail”.

The next pitch…BAM.  The smile was back and the ball went sailing.  

His next time up, he crushed the first pitch.  Mission Accomplished.

The first thing I ask a youth coach or parent is ”How’s the season going?”  

99% of the time, their answer is the team’s win and loss record, or personal stats by their child.  

Now we’ve all had this “WINS, LOSSES, and STATS are EVERYTHING” culture engrained in our brains since birth.  

But what if that’s wrong?

WHAT IF THAT IS JUST STRAIGHT UP THE WRONG WAY TO PARENT OR COACH?

It’s definitely worth asking the question.  

Why?  Because kids don’t perform better when they are under pressure.  They perform WAY WORSE.  

So if it’s completely ridiculous to apply pressure into our child’s brain, then why do we do it?  

Because we are human.  

And how do humans change a negative culture?

One Atta Boy and One Atta Girl at a time.  

So the next time you see a parent or a coach spewing negativity at a youth sports event, lend them a hand.  

With every negative comment, combat it with a positive one.

Kill it with kindness.  

Teach them by example.

Encourage your players to cheer louder.  

Challenge them to be more positive. 

Have them give elbows to teammates that make mistakes.

Plant a “You’ll gettum next time” seed.  

Teach them to be allergic to negativity.  

It’s ultimately the kids that will teach the parents how to change the culture.  But let’s give them a head start.

James Lowe, AKA Coach Ballgame, writes relatable stories for coaches and parents to support them in raising up young ballplayers who love the game, are quality players, and who don’t burn out early. For the love of baseball! Let’s show them the way.